Nothing for months then BANG.... woke up in floods of tears, the real deep ones that wash over you like a tsunami, so quick as to overtake the emotion so your first thought is "what the hell??". Then it hit me, overwhelming despair and loss. The kind that tastes of iron and snot... I'm still reeling from it an hour on. The focus of this feeling is the loss of a cat, not one I know from real life, but from a dream. A black cat, lost to a flood, I couldn't find him, the hurt and blind panic so real that just writing this has me uncontrollably weeping.
Fuck this. I no longer know if this is down to Mirtazapine or . . . .'just me'.
I spend the next 10 minutes after waking huggling 'Elsie' who was curled up fast asleep on her bed. Her 'WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!' attitude helped more than I can say. Thank you Elsie, for being you and bringing me back.
Elsie: touch me....... and I'll kill you...
